About two weeks ago, the office of education contacted my fellow teachers and me re: contract renewal. Ah, to stay in Korea or not? My conclusion: if I’m to stay in this country, it will not be to teach. Nay, I will remain  only under the condition that I can design children’s English notebooks.

You see dear reader, having students who care nothing for their worldly possessions means I’m usually left with all their school supplies after a week of classes. Pencils, erasers – these things are no different then what you see back home. But the notebooks? They are things of wonder.  They are rife with this nation’s best Konglish. (Konglish = Unintended Hilarity) And since I’m weird, I’ve studied these notebooks plenty.  Over the course of my intense research, I’ve decoded the key to a successful English notebook cover.

A) Must bear at least 3 images from different stock photo/clip art portfolios. Pictures need not be related. (Example: photo of macaroons, dog balloons, hand drawn hearts, teddy bear on stool)
B) Something must be smiling. Not a person.
C) Splatter that shit with English that you have Google Translated into something that resembles Hawaiian Pidgin. Feel free to ignore punctuation or over-compensate.

Notebook should should display affection for student using phrases like “I <verb> you” or “We <modal><verb> together!

Don’t believe me? Let’s examine one last notebook.

A) At least 3 unrelated stock images: Train, teddy bears, animated stop light.

B) Something must be smiling: Check out that train. It’s even got eyebrows!

C) English Splatter: Behold this detail:

NOt;eno?ugh qujeustion marks/!I?

D) Display of affection: “Let’s go together!”

So…am I hired?

7 responses to “Englishee

  1. That’s hilarious. And they are all pretty expensive too for how little and weird looking they are.

    Here is my blog I just started about my adventures in Korea if you’re interested

  2. Are my eyes deceiving me or is that taxi in Chicago?

  3. I would most definitely hire you.

    The notebooks that have English newspaper articles on them are my favourites. One of my students has one with a really depressing front-page article about a train wreck in India. Go figure!

  4. I found your blog on Expat blogs. I’ve never taken the time to really look at these notebooks and analyze them as you have. Very interesting and hilarious conclusions. I will take a closer look next time. Thanks.

  5. You all are funny. Just stumbled upon your blog. Reading shit like this makes me want to delete all the shit I’ve ever written and try again. Thanks for entertaining me.

  6. Pingback: Update: Englishee | The Wanderlust Diary

  7. Pingback: Fun with 공책 | The Wanderlust Diary

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