BREAKING NEWS: You’ve seen them in the Family Marts, 7-11s and Mini Stops: sixty cent triangular kimbap rolls, standing at attention like soldiers at the DMZ. But what are they really doing there? And what does their constant presence mean to the waygook, lonely inhabitant of convenience stores throughout this nation? A quick glance at the packaging reveals very little, particularly to those new to this land or to the illiterate. They look, smell, and feel like food, but why are their so many? What lies beneath that sexy seawood coat? Our investigative journalists took to the streets to unwrap this culinary mystery.
For your convenience, triangles were rated on a .5-5 chopsticks scale.
1. 참치 김치 – Tuna Kimchi
Megan Says: This doesn’t taste like kimchi. It does taste like tuna though. It’s goodish because it’s spicyish. But it’s not great. Let’s move on.
Erin Says: Why is there so much rice in here? I can’t taste the delicious part, which can only be so delicious because this is tuna. Even so, it’s not making me gag. Hurray!
2. 치킨 스테이크 – Chicken Steak
Megan Says: This looks like cat food. What the hell is “chicken steak”? Is it chicken or steak? Not the worst thing I ever had. Tastes a little sweet. Like onions. That’s all.
Erin Says: Not as terrifying as it looks, but pretty unmemorable. Those were onions in there, right?
3. 등심 까스 – (Pork) Loin Cutlet
Megan Says: I love the veggie flecked rice. It’s purdy. And oh my god, is that A PORK CUTLET ON TOP? Yes please. The texture of this is totally awesome as it reduces the proportion of rice. Also, there is fried meat in it. Duh.
Erin Says: Tasty as balls. And: MEAT!
4. 칠리 맛살 마요 – Chili “CRAB” Mayo
Megan Says: Sort of sweet (because it’s imitation crab) and spicy, disappointing rice to goods ratio. Not enough good stuff to really rave about it.
Erin Says: …I still can’t taste anything. After the pork cutlet, you’re going to have to try harder, Triangles.
5. 양념 찜닭 – Steamed Chicken Seasoning
Megan Says: Sweet oniony carrots and some gelatinous ground meat. Not the worst, but bummer if you accidentally choose this one.
Erin Says: I’m really just not a fan of this vegetable/meat jelly.
6. 매콤 치킨 카레 – Spicy Chicken Curry
Megan Says: Um, is this curry? Does the package say curry? YUM. Very flavorful. Definite win.
Erin Says: YES! SPICY! IT TASTES! And they even went so far as to give the chicken pretty legit texture. Awesome.
7. 참치 마요네즈 – Tuna Mayonnaise
Megan Says: Regular, just like American tuna salad but surrounded by rice.
Erin Says: Gag. Decline Comment. Fucking mayonnaise.
8. 닭 불 갈비 – Fire Chicken Ribs
Megan Says: Wow! This is spicy and meaty, definitely super awesome and I would like to accidentally buy this again.
Erin Says: Meat to sauce ratio is awesome. According to this legal pad, my exact quote on this triangle was “Sassy!” I’m not sure what I was going for with that.
10. 고추장 바베큐 – Pepper Barbeque
Megan Says: Very meaty, very sweet, a little spicy. BBQ is weird with rice though.
Erin Says: BARBECUE IS AMAZING. And not like those fake Pringles that say they taste like bbq but just taste like meat smoke. Erin Approved!
11. 전주비빔 – Jeonju Resting
Megan Says: MMMMMmmm the red rice is sweet and more moist than regular old whitey. Of course this is spicy and delicious. Always love a surprise red rice triangle.
Erin Says: I think all triangles should come mixed up like this, so you never get just a big mouthful of white rice. Super moist, super spicy, definitely the most flavorful, bite-for-bite.
- Stick with the packages that have red on them. You are likely to get something with a little heat which makes up for all the white rice. Sometimes you might even get red rice.
- 7-11 brand (numbers 8 and 11) is by far the superior brand, for both flavor and yummies to rice ratio.
- Beware of the brownish yellowish package. You might end up with an amazing pork cutlet, but you might also end up with cat food. Consider yourself warned.