On my departing flight from Buenos Aires the second time, I realized that there were STILL things that I didn’t get a chance to do there. We won’t get into why I didn’t get around to doing those things, but suffice it say, I have regret. Luckily I may get another chance to do them, but it’s not always going to be that way. So this time, planning to leave another major city for an indefinite amount of time, I feel that it is best to make a list and follow it. There are some things I’ve had the chance to do over the past two years in Chi-town that are pretty much awesome. And there are some things that will be fucking amazing as soon as I get off my lazy ass and do them.
BEST OF CHICAGO 2007-2010
Wilco – Yes this tops my list. Two nights of Wilco in their hometown was about as epic as a show can get. I wish I could do it over again. And over again and over again. Just like I wish I could do Jeff Tweedy. Over and over again.
Air and Water Show from the John Hancock Building – It’s not what you know, it’s who you know. And I know my aunt. Who knows a doctor. Who has a penthouse on the 80-something floor of the Hancock Building. We got to see the airplanes whiz by and watch all the dumb shits stuck down on their boats in the rain FROM ON TOP OF THE HANCOCK. We win!
Sail the Great Lake Michigan – We’ve already established that I use people for their stuff. To the horror of pretty much everyone I know, I voluntarily went out on a boat, at night, alone, with a guy I work with who just so happens to be 50, ogre-like and desperately single. I realize that this had the makings of a B horror movie, something like, “Raped at Sea,” but it all worked out fine. So to all the naysayers: I’m on a boat, motherfuckers, don’t you ever forget!
Navy Pier Ferris Wheel – While it may be an overpriced tourist attraction, it remains a twinkle on the city’s skyline: the Navy Pier Ferris Wheel. Like sex in an alley with a dirty hooker, it doesn’t last long and it costs a lot, but you’ll always remember the view.
Cubs game – I am not a Cubs fan. I’m not really a fan of Cubs fans either. Actually the fans are the ones that suck. However, I’m willing to ignore them for a few hours if someone else is paying for an awesome ticket behind home plate on a warm fall night at Wrigley.
THINGS I WILL BE REALLY MAD AT MYSELF IF I DON’T DO, CHICAGO 2010
See Second City – It just seems wrong that in the few years I’ve been here, I haven’t bothered to go see the show that Chicago is known for. The show the gave birth to Ms. Tina Fey and her awesome ass. I’m ashamed. I seek redemption, Tina!
Eat at Hot Doug’s – Sadly, I have yet to get my mouth on a Doug’s juicy sausage. Always a reason to put it off (it’s Saturday and the line is long and it’s raining and I’m lazy), a trip to Doug’s has eluded me. I just need to remember these three words: Duck. Fat. Fries.
South Side Irish Parade – So I heard a rumor that the South Side Irish Parade is no more. Bollocks. The Irish didn’t eat moldy fucking potatoes for a hundred years just to have their most exuberant parade of prideful hooligans shut down by some bloody pigs. No sir. There will be a parade. And I will be there, soaked to my shamrock knickers in green Guinness.
River Tour – Ahhh, smell that? That’s the Chicago River. Smells like sewage. Looks like sewage. But still people seem to really enjoying taking a nice little ride around the city on it. I did it back when I was a lil’un and it was good times. I want to go again. Just gotta make sure there aren’t any mediocre rock stars trolling round town in their tour bus, accidentally dumping feces on innocent water taxis.
Buddy Guy’s and a return to Kingston Mines – I’ve been to Kingston Mines once and it was awesome. But Layla sat by Buddy Guy. That makes me jealous. Now as someone who hasn’t even been to Buddy’s, I really have no reason to be hatin’ until I boogie woogie my way in there.